Tag Archives: suicide

“And here you are, living despite it all”

Hey everyone!

Today we’re going to talk about the quote tattoo I have on my left shoulder. I got it in March of last year. It says “And here you are, living despite it all.”

This quote is by Rupi Kaur.

I have no idea, still, who Rupi Kaur is or what the quote is from. I just came across it one day.

Why I decided to get it is a whole different story.

I didn’t have the best childhood. Growing up was hard and my parents split when I was young. I grew up with my dad and we moved around…a lot. I also had health issues like asthma and scoliosis which I eventually needed surgery for (a surgery for another time).

Then I found love after reuniting with a childhood crush and moved in with him and his family and we got engaged and life was amazing…until I went to college. We started to fight and argue a lot and a lot of issues came out and eventually we broke up for good.

After we broke up (and a few scattered times when I was quite young) I was very depressed to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I was barely 12 the first few times I tried to kill myself. It stopped for a while until those dark times after my fiance and I broke up. I didn’t see a happy future and I had built my whole life around him and now he was gone.

Finally I got better after lots of depression and mood swings, cutting and binge drinking. How I graduated college is still a mystery to me.

So in March of last year when I went to get the tattoo with a guy I had a huge crush on (not knowing I’d start dating him a month later) it meant everything to me. That despite EVERYTHING I had been through and even despite me trying NOT TO BE HERE, I was still living despite all of that. hence the quote “and here you are, living despite it all.”

So, naturally, you can imagine how upset I was when a quote mark was missing and I realized how off center it was and how it really wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I didn’t realize how important a quote mark could be until this past Tuesday when Chip, who did my rose tattoo, put the end quote mark on my quote and touched up some of the lines. I started crying and gave him a hug. My other two tattoos are Disney related. I love Disney but the quote really matters to me and is important to me and reminds me daily that I can overcome any obstacle, even if I don’t think I will get through it at the time.

I am so incredibly happy that it looks better and now looks like a finished tattoo.

So yeah, that’s the story behind my quote tattoo, sorry for all the depressing moments in this post guys. I promise to try to make theĀ  next one more positive and thanks again for all the support!!!

Tattoo after it was touched up:

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I didn’t have time for suicide

This is in fact a poem, I like to write poetry, another one of my coping mechanisms and this is one that I wrote today. Not one of my better poems but it was how I was feeling. I hope you all like it. Please comment and follow if you want to see more. Thank you.

 

I didn’t have time to kill myself today

The laundry wasn’t done

The dishes weren’t clean.

I could have done it after lunch,

But I had to mop the floor

and there was too much dust to ignore.

I had to go to the grocery store,

and the checkout line, was out the door.

I could have done it when I got home,

But on my way, I had to answer the phone.

After the phone call and dishes and tea,

There was no more time to kill the other me.

So I went to bed and pull up the sheets,

Maybe tomorrow I thought, as I fell asleep.

*************************************************************************************

 

So I didn’t write this to glamorize suicide or anything like that. I wrote it with the message in mind that the chores and all the things I have to do in a day are sometimes the only things I have to hold onto when the depression kicks in. Sometimes when you’re feeling suicidal and down and alone, you look for the slightest thing, anything, in your life to keep you moving, to hold onto when you feel like everything is slipping away and it’s not worth it anymore. So something as small as chores can get you through this bump in the road. I’d really like to know what you all thought of it, thank you and please comment and follow if you’d like to see more from me!