Tag Archives: sleeplessness

You totally don’t have anxiety…said my anxiety

Today I wanted to talk about something that I experience a lot. As I mentioned in a previous post, I haven’t been professionally diagnosed with anxiety or depression and because of that sometimes I get anxious….about my anxiety. I have moments where I convince myself that I don’t have anxiety, I’m just crazy. Like the night before I was going to go to my boyfriend’s moms for Christmas and I was worrying because I had only gotten her a card and lottery ticket for Christmas and she had gotten me a ton of gifts. I sat there overthinking everything like how maybe I should run out and get something at 1am and how maybe if I didn’t get her anything she wouldn’t like me and would think I wasn’t good enough for her son and how maybe she didn’t like me already and this would just make it worse and OhMyGod what if she talks to him and his sister behind my back about how much she doesn’t like me? At this point I had reduced myself to tears over going to his mom’s for Christmas. It was also during this anxiety attack that I convinced myself I didn’t actually have anxiety. That I was just crazy and that I shouldn’t be thinking the way I was thinking. So then I started having anxiety about having anxiety.

It doesn’t help when you have family that, when you try to talk to them about, says it’s all in your head and if you just focus hard enough you can get rid of it. Like I haven’t tried that before. Like I haven’t tried writing, meditation, yoga, exercise. Any natural thing I can thing of short of anti psychotics. I don’t even like taking medicine for my hypothyroidism.

Anyway that’s my short rant for today. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Let me know in the comments and, as always, have a good night!

PS: I don’t know why but I love this song and it brings me peace.

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Late Anxious Nights

So here I am at 1:12am after a long day of work, writing my 3rd post for the night because not only can I not sleep, but I don’t really want to. Does anyone else with anxiety or depression stay up late doing things because when you lay down to go to sleep, all the thoughts in your head come out and you can’t get your brain to calm down long enough to fall asleep and you end up either crying yourself to sleep or worrying yourself into a restless sleep? I’ve had both occur so sometimes staying up and writing or playing on my phone until I’m so tired that I just pass out seems like the better option. It definitely doesn’t help with my sleep schedule but it helps with my sanity not staying up late and letting my anxiety come up with new things to worry about. (might write a poem about this soon so look for that.)

I’m going to shut off my laptop and play games on my phone until I fall asleep but just a short thought I had before bed. As always let me know what you think in the comments and have a good night/day. Thank you.