Tag Archives: love

Moving

Hey everyone!

I just want to apologize for the long delays in me writing. I’m currently packing and getting ready to move by the end of the month so it’s been really hectic and busy. I’m hoping after I’ve moved that I will have more time to write and really connect with you guys and hopefully even get some videos out!

For now I hope you guys enjoy this short poem!

You can also check out my poetry on Allpoetry.com under the name Angelgreen39

Speaking in Tongues

Your breath is like smoke
Hot and humid, burning up my skin.
All consuming, all around me.
You’re in all my senses, seeping through my pores
We’re speaking without the interruption of sound.
Your tongue is like the lick of a flame
Hot and sensuous on my body
My nerves hit with bolts like lightning
I gasp in a breath.
My mind freezes up
In the heat of the inferno
And I understand you perfectly
As you burn me up in flames.

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Maybe We’re Like Johnny and Penn

Hey guys.

That title probably doesn’t make that much sense. I’m watching a movie on Netflix and Johnny and Penn are two characters who start out in a relationship and who do love and care about each other, but they’re not right for each other in that way. So they split up.

There’s a difference between them and how I’m feeling though.

I’m head over heels madly and deeply in love with him. He made me believe in love again. He stole my heart and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. He is my life.

But when I see people kissing in movies with that spark in their eyes, kissing deeply and lovingly and emotionally, it hurts my heart, because he doesn’t kiss me like that. He doesn’t pull me close to him and tangle his fingers in my hair and kiss me like I’m the only girl he’s ever kissed. I get life isn’t a movie and things aren’t a fairytale. But I just want to feel like his dream girl.

I don’t want to feel like he’s forcing himself to be in love with me when his heart is somewhere else. I think we could be amazing friends. We could have a great time hanging out and playing Pokemon Go and playing COD and watching movies and we could laugh all the time.

But as I think about us moving in together and sharing a room, sharing intimate space and about how he stops talking so much when I talk about things like marriage and the future, I can’t help thinking maybe we should have stayed friends.

Maybe when I started looking at him and feeling my heart skip beats I should have ignored it. When I told him I liked him and he talked about still being obsessed with his ex, maybe I should have let it go there.

I don’t know if I’ll even post this, but I can’t help thinking as I sit here, that maybe the man of my dreams, only sees me as a friend when I see him as home.

Thanks for listening guys.

Self esteem

Hey guys! We all have days where we’re feeling down and not good enough and exhausted and like nothing we do is ever good enough. I was having one today. My cure? Do up your hair, put on some makeup and take 1, 20, 500 selfies. As many as it takes to feel better. If you absolutely don’t like selfies. Write and write and write until you can’t write anymore. Do a couple squats or crunches, re watch your favorite movie, treat yourself to some ice cream. Do something, anything to reset. Whether it takes 5 minutes or 5 hours. You need to be ok mentally before anything else. You come first. So, even if you do nothing else today or if you’ve been struggling to get through the whole day, just do one thing for yourself. I promise you’ll feel better.

Love you guys!

Spectacular Now (Review)

Hey everyone! This is another movie review. I watched a movie on Netflix called the Spectacular Now. At first I thought it was a romantic comedy but after watching it for a while it didn’t actually seem that funny.

There are some very serious life issues and family issues in this movie that I wasn’t expecting when I first started watching this movie.

I also, do not feel that much sympathy for the main character, Sutten. Usually I’m rooting for the main character and hoping that everything works out for them but in this film I felt that, even with his family and character issues, he was selfish and put other people in danger and ruined their lives and their hearts as well. I felt that the amount of suffering he put on other people was unfair and even that he didn’t deserve a happy ending. It’s not particularly clear and whether or not he gets a happy ending but it seems to be leaning toward that and I didn’t think he needed one.

That’s just my opinion, watch the movie and let me know what you think! Thanks everyone!

Untitled (Part 2)

Her guest couldn’t see her right away from where she was standing. And it was probably for the best. She should try to at least get to know her company before he tried to run away.

Her guest was a handsome man from the village who was still looking for a young bride. That thought amused her. When he saw what she looked like he’d wish he’d never come to the castle. In fact he’d probably be fit to be single for all of his days.

He went to turn around as she entered the room.

“Please, I’d rather us not face each other just yet.”

“Well, if you’re sure madam. Of course.”

He turned back to his original seated position and began to drink the wine that was placed in front of him. In a few minutes he fell off his chair as the sleeping agent set in.

She sighed. She had hoped he would last a little longer than the other ones. Long enough for a decent discussion.

She whistled and her “pet” came and drug him to the dungeon where the other ones where as well. Pet was a loose word for a 7ft tall beast with claws as sharp as daggers and teeth like little knives. It was her partner in fact. Her lover, changed before they had had the chance to get married. Of course in this state his beautiful words that had once waxed poetic to her in the early light of the morning was now reduced to growls and grunts. He did anything she asked, as he had as a human. But she still felt a tug of guilt as he dragged this newest mortal to the dungeon.

Finally, as she headed back into the hall to head back upstairs, she looked in the full length mirror. Her shaggy hair had changed into a long black mane. Her nails and teeth, the same as that of her lover. She thought back upon that day. The happiest and worst day of her life.

The day her and her lover had been cursed.

*************************************************************************************And that is part 2! I will hopefully have part 3 up soon. This took a different turn than I had originally intended but I think I like this better.

Thank you for all the support and continued following!

 

Introducing: Onna!

Hey everyone!

So I posted about my dog and some advice dog training and I thought it would be good to introduce her to you guys especially since she’s the face you see when you open up my blog. So, her name is Onna (pronounced like Anna in Frozen) and I’ve had her for a little over 2 years now. When I got her she was already on her second home. The lady who had her said she didn’t have time to care for her and watch her. The poor thing was covered in dirt, blood, and scratches which I have a theory (no proof) that her and her brother who was also living there had to fight for food and resources. After getting her washed and brushed I could tell she was a very pretty dog and she has the most expressive eyes. She’s also very playful and she loves to cuddle when you’re sleeping. She’s a great dog (even if she doesn’t listen sometimes) and I absolutely love her. So, that’s Onna! I’m sure she will make more appearances in videos and future blog posts!

Thanks again for all the support!

Social Media

 

Relationships-Appreciate the small things

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to talk a little bit about something I was thinking about today. And yes, this will probably include sappy and mushy things about my boyfriend.

So, when my boyfriend and I first started dating he’d show up to see me at work and give me a hug and kiss and it would just make me so happy because it wasn’t something I was used to. Someone just stopping and taking time out of their day to see me was something foreign to me and it made me really happy. We’ve been together for a little over a year now and he still stops in at my job to see me like he did today. I realized today that it’s kinda just become something I expect him to do and I don’t have the same like OMG this is amazing reaction to it anymore. And I should. Even though he’s been doing it for a while now, he’s still taking time out of his day to come see me at work and see how I’m doing and kiss me and hug me and sometimes I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. Seeing him lifts my mood and makes me happy and sometimes it’s exactly what I need. During particularly trying days, I’ll actually ask him to come give me a hug. And he does. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter how long you guys have been together, NEVER stop appreciating the little things they do to show they care. No matter how long they’ve been doing it, every single time they do it it’s because they’re making a conscience effort to make you happy and do something for you. In fact, the longer they keep doing it the happier you should be because it shows they’re still thinking of you and putting you as a priority in your life.

Another thing that I’ve had to realize is that, he doesn’t share my anxieties. What I mean by this is that, with anxiety, I freak out about stupid things. I’ll overthink tiny little things that don’t matter and aren’t important. I am an EXPERT at making mountains out of molehills. What I’ve realize though is that while something small can throw me into a panic of thinking that the world is ending and he’s leaving me or he doesn’t love me anymore or yada yada, he isn’t thinking those things at all. Sometimes something that upsets me completely has NOTHING to do with me in his view. It can be him having a bad day and having an attitude. I take it personally when in reality he’s reacting to something else that happened in his life, not reacting to me.

The last thing I want to say is, appreciate your time together. This is a big one for me. I’ve had to really learn, and am still learning, that if I constantly worry about what can go wrong and what I’m doing wrong and this and that, I’m not truly enjoying the moments I actually have with him and, in fact, could be pushing him farther away by trying to do the exact opposite.

He is truly one of the most caring, loving, supportive people I have ever met and he is truly my best friend. I have depression and there’s days I’m not sure I would still be here if I didn’t have him. He’s my rock and my light and I’m beyond blessed to have found someone who means so much to me and who loves me and makes me feel loved in return.

So yeah, back to the original point, whether it’s in a relationship or just in life in general, appreciate the small things. People can be rude, life can suck, bills pile up and this world can drive you crazy. Don’t forget to take time for yourself, take care of your mental health and appreciate the things going right in your life. Even if it’s something small.

Love you guys!

 

NSFW!!!! MATURE CONTENT!! WARNING!

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, I wrote a poem. Sexually Explicit. Obviously ^^^

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The cold wind blows through my window.

But I’m hot to the touch.

My nerves on fire, a bunch of electrified wires.

I kick the sheets off, every touch tingling my skin.

I’ve been thinking of you all day.

As I run my hands down my body,

I picture you.

Touching me, kissing me.

Lighting up my soul.

My emotions turning into a puddle,

As my fingers quicken, and my back arches.

Yours is the name I scream as everything shatters.

A bundle of tension finally breaking into oblivion.

My breaths come in quick, shaky waves as I float down from the clouds.

The release was sweet, but my body still yearns for you, as I drift into dreams.

*************************************************************************************

 

Red Tide

I’m laying in bed

and my eyes are closed.

But all I see is our face.

In my dreams, during the day.

You’re everywhere.

The memories from our past threatening to overcome me.

A red tide of memories and regret crashing over me.

What do I do when you’re all I wanted.

When my heart still calls for you on the lonely nights.

Star crossed lovers forbidden by the heavens.

I can’t even call this love.

Just a chemical attraction like two magnets to each other.

Two unfeeling being pulled to each other without any choice.

My soul is tugged to you by an invisible force.

And I’m killing myself.

Trying to pull away.

Love and Anxiety

So I talk about my anxiety a lot and I want to throw some positive into the mix as well (even though there will be a little negativity in this post. But, we have to take the good with the bad sometimes.)

We shall start with the bad. I’ve been in quite a few relationships before and quite a few ended because of my anxiety. I’m sure there were other problems as well but my anxiety was a huge part of it. I’d get anxious and start overthinking everything the other person would do or say and if we got in the littlest argument I was convinced they didn’t love me anymore. Eventually I would convince myself that they didn’t love me and didn’t want me around but were just too polite to say it and I would leave for fear and anxiety that I was just a bother. They usually took me back after I left and realized I made a huge mistake…until it happened 3 or 4 more times. My ex fiance let it happen for almost 3 years (even though he showed how much it annoyed him) and I didn’t appreciate him as much as I should have.

I am currently with someone and have been for a little over a year now. I still can’t talk to him about my feelings without constantly apologizing and/or crying and sometimes I lie and tell him nothing is wrong only to text him about it later. He is simply the kindest and most supportive and understanding person I have ever met. He holds me, tells me it’s ok and assures me he’s not going anywhere. One time I was being particularly anxious he specifically told me he would never leave me because of my anxiety.

This weekend when I stayed over I had an anxiety meltdown at work and when I came home he just held me and kissed me until I calmed down. He tries so hard to make me happy and make sure I know he loves me and isn’t going anywhere and i’m so incredibly happy to be with him and have someone like that.

My anxiety still gets to me and makes me worry about the future but it’s actually getting less so with him around and that’s something I didn’t think was possible.

So, yeah, short post about love and anxiety.

As always, have a goodnight!