Tag Archives: heartbreak

Maybe We’re Like Johnny and Penn

Hey guys.

That title probably doesn’t make that much sense. I’m watching a movie on Netflix and Johnny and Penn are two characters who start out in a relationship and who do love and care about each other, but they’re not right for each other in that way. So they split up.

There’s a difference between them and how I’m feeling though.

I’m head over heels madly and deeply in love with him. He made me believe in love again. He stole my heart and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. He is my life.

But when I see people kissing in movies with that spark in their eyes, kissing deeply and lovingly and emotionally, it hurts my heart, because he doesn’t kiss me like that. He doesn’t pull me close to him and tangle his fingers in my hair and kiss me like I’m the only girl he’s ever kissed. I get life isn’t a movie and things aren’t a fairytale. But I just want to feel like his dream girl.

I don’t want to feel like he’s forcing himself to be in love with me when his heart is somewhere else. I think we could be amazing friends. We could have a great time hanging out and playing Pokemon Go and playing COD and watching movies and we could laugh all the time.

But as I think about us moving in together and sharing a room, sharing intimate space and about how he stops talking so much when I talk about things like marriage and the future, I can’t help thinking maybe we should have stayed friends.

Maybe when I started looking at him and feeling my heart skip beats I should have ignored it. When I told him I liked him and he talked about still being obsessed with his ex, maybe I should have let it go there.

I don’t know if I’ll even post this, but I can’t help thinking as I sit here, that maybe the man of my dreams, only sees me as a friend when I see him as home.

Thanks for listening guys.

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“And here you are, living despite it all”

Hey everyone!

Today we’re going to talk about the quote tattoo I have on my left shoulder. I got it in March of last year. It says “And here you are, living despite it all.”

This quote is by Rupi Kaur.

I have no idea, still, who Rupi Kaur is or what the quote is from. I just came across it one day.

Why I decided to get it is a whole different story.

I didn’t have the best childhood. Growing up was hard and my parents split when I was young. I grew up with my dad and we moved around…a lot. I also had health issues like asthma and scoliosis which I eventually needed surgery for (a surgery for another time).

Then I found love after reuniting with a childhood crush and moved in with him and his family and we got engaged and life was amazing…until I went to college. We started to fight and argue a lot and a lot of issues came out and eventually we broke up for good.

After we broke up (and a few scattered times when I was quite young) I was very depressed to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I was barely 12 the first few times I tried to kill myself. It stopped for a while until those dark times after my fiance and I broke up. I didn’t see a happy future and I had built my whole life around him and now he was gone.

Finally I got better after lots of depression and mood swings, cutting and binge drinking. How I graduated college is still a mystery to me.

So in March of last year when I went to get the tattoo with a guy I had a huge crush on (not knowing I’d start dating him a month later) it meant everything to me. That despite EVERYTHING I had been through and even despite me trying NOT TO BE HERE, I was still living despite all of that. hence the quote “and here you are, living despite it all.”

So, naturally, you can imagine how upset I was when a quote mark was missing and I realized how off center it was and how it really wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I didn’t realize how important a quote mark could be until this past Tuesday when Chip, who did my rose tattoo, put the end quote mark on my quote and touched up some of the lines. I started crying and gave him a hug. My other two tattoos are Disney related. I love Disney but the quote really matters to me and is important to me and reminds me daily that I can overcome any obstacle, even if I don’t think I will get through it at the time.

I am so incredibly happy that it looks better and now looks like a finished tattoo.

So yeah, that’s the story behind my quote tattoo, sorry for all the depressing moments in this post guys. I promise to try to make theĀ  next one more positive and thanks again for all the support!!!

Tattoo after it was touched up:

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