Tag Archives: disorders

Late night poem

Fuck me like you mean it

Like you need me.

Because I’m drowning again.

Making love to my insecurities.

I don’t believe it

Not for a minute.

I know you love me baby.

And I feel happy in your arms

But right now I’m slow dancing with my anxiety.

There’s tears coming in waves through my body.

And I don’t even know why

I thought I was happy.

Maybe it’s the depression talking

Or is that me?

It’s hard to tell the difference when I can’t even breath.

I distracted myself for a while

And maybe I was ok.

But it’s quiet and dark now

And nothing’s alright.

Do you think one day I’ll get over this?

Do you think it’s like the flu?

I don’t think that’s how it works

But god I hope so too.

I don’t want to feel this way

I want to live without a pause

Without stopping when the demons come to call

That must be what this is

Because It’s stealing my life away

And if this is just some game then I don’t want to play.

I’m laying here again with these tears on my face

I’m supposed to feel safe but I’m so tired of this place.

Would you like to switch bodies so I can escape for a while?

My mind is broken and I just want to be a carefree child

Do you want to hold me for a bit?

I think it could help

Even if I can’t be fixed.

Would you lay next to me in bed?

Please, save me from the monsters in my head.

Advertisements

Trichotillomania

“Trichotillomania is a type of impulse control disorder.┬áPeople with these disorders know that they can do damage by acting on the impulses, but they cannot stop themselves. They may pull out their hair when they’re stressed as a way to try to soothe themselves.” Source-www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/trichotillomania

So this is going to be a short post because I had to stay late at work tonight and then file some things online and I’m exhausted. I have trichotillomania. Luckily in my case it’s very minor. I pull my eyelashes out sometimes when I’m feeling particularly stressed. By now I’ve been doing it for so long that I sometimes do it just out of boredom without realizing I’m doing it. I found out what it was called somewhat coincidentally. I was sitting in my high school psychology class and was feeling particularly nervous because we were discussing anxiety disorders and I was just starting to wonder if I could be suffering from anxiety. It was as I plucking out an eyelash that my teacher started to talk about Trichotillomania…during which I forced myself to stop touching my eyelashes by sitting on my hands. I also pull on, twist, play with, and break my hair on my head quite often. As I said it’s fairly mild in my case so it’s usually just a strand at a time. I was just curious if anyone else reading this has this issue? I don’t really know how common it is and although I know many people suffer from anxiety I’m not sure how many people suffer from this particular anxiety disorder.

In my next post or the one after that (if my next post is a short story) I will talk about different ticks I have when I’m feeling anxious that I sometimes don’t even realize are ticks and didn’t start to notice until I came to terms with having anxiety. I will also go further into why I consider myself to have anxiety and the struggles that come with it. As always, have a goodnight! Please comment below if there’s anything you’d like to know as well. I am actually very easy to talk to!