Tag Archives: boyfriend

Return from an unplanned hiatus

Hey everyone!

I know it’s been a couple months since I’ve written anything on here and I just want to apologize for that. I moved in with my boyfriend and his sister about two months ago and the original plan was that right after we got internet set up in the new house I would start writing again.

Well with it being an older house some things came up with the plumbing and insulation and stuff and with getting all of that fixed and now getting ready for the Christmas season it’s all been a bit overwhelming while also getting used to an overnight shift.

I appreciate everyone’s understanding and promise I will  be writing on here more from now on. Hopefully later tonight I can write a longer piece, maybe something fiction and get back on the ball. I am back on my thyroid medicine after neglecting to take it for a while and am feeling a bit better. Thank you everyone again for the continued support. I was blown awhile when I realized that not only had I not lost all my followers,  but there were still people checking my blog even though I hadn’t written in months. This gave me an overwhelming sense of hope and support and I can’t thank you enough!

Love, Plutorawr (aka-Crystal)

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Relationships-Appreciate the small things

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to talk a little bit about something I was thinking about today. And yes, this will probably include sappy and mushy things about my boyfriend.

So, when my boyfriend and I first started dating he’d show up to see me at work and give me a hug and kiss and it would just make me so happy because it wasn’t something I was used to. Someone just stopping and taking time out of their day to see me was something foreign to me and it made me really happy. We’ve been together for a little over a year now and he still stops in at my job to see me like he did today. I realized today that it’s kinda just become something I expect him to do and I don’t have the same like OMG this is amazing reaction to it anymore. And I should. Even though he’s been doing it for a while now, he’s still taking time out of his day to come see me at work and see how I’m doing and kiss me and hug me and sometimes I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. Seeing him lifts my mood and makes me happy and sometimes it’s exactly what I need. During particularly trying days, I’ll actually ask him to come give me a hug. And he does. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter how long you guys have been together, NEVER stop appreciating the little things they do to show they care. No matter how long they’ve been doing it, every single time they do it it’s because they’re making a conscience effort to make you happy and do something for you. In fact, the longer they keep doing it the happier you should be because it shows they’re still thinking of you and putting you as a priority in your life.

Another thing that I’ve had to realize is that, he doesn’t share my anxieties. What I mean by this is that, with anxiety, I freak out about stupid things. I’ll overthink tiny little things that don’t matter and aren’t important. I am an EXPERT at making mountains out of molehills. What I’ve realize though is that while something small can throw me into a panic of thinking that the world is ending and he’s leaving me or he doesn’t love me anymore or yada yada, he isn’t thinking those things at all. Sometimes something that upsets me completely has NOTHING to do with me in his view. It can be him having a bad day and having an attitude. I take it personally when in reality he’s reacting to something else that happened in his life, not reacting to me.

The last thing I want to say is, appreciate your time together. This is a big one for me. I’ve had to really learn, and am still learning, that if I constantly worry about what can go wrong and what I’m doing wrong and this and that, I’m not truly enjoying the moments I actually have with him and, in fact, could be pushing him farther away by trying to do the exact opposite.

He is truly one of the most caring, loving, supportive people I have ever met and he is truly my best friend. I have depression and there’s days I’m not sure I would still be here if I didn’t have him. He’s my rock and my light and I’m beyond blessed to have found someone who means so much to me and who loves me and makes me feel loved in return.

So yeah, back to the original point, whether it’s in a relationship or just in life in general, appreciate the small things. People can be rude, life can suck, bills pile up and this world can drive you crazy. Don’t forget to take time for yourself, take care of your mental health and appreciate the things going right in your life. Even if it’s something small.

Love you guys!

 

Love and Anxiety

So I talk about my anxiety a lot and I want to throw some positive into the mix as well (even though there will be a little negativity in this post. But, we have to take the good with the bad sometimes.)

We shall start with the bad. I’ve been in quite a few relationships before and quite a few ended because of my anxiety. I’m sure there were other problems as well but my anxiety was a huge part of it. I’d get anxious and start overthinking everything the other person would do or say and if we got in the littlest argument I was convinced they didn’t love me anymore. Eventually I would convince myself that they didn’t love me and didn’t want me around but were just too polite to say it and I would leave for fear and anxiety that I was just a bother. They usually took me back after I left and realized I made a huge mistake…until it happened 3 or 4 more times. My ex fiance let it happen for almost 3 years (even though he showed how much it annoyed him) and I didn’t appreciate him as much as I should have.

I am currently with someone and have been for a little over a year now. I still can’t talk to him about my feelings without constantly apologizing and/or crying and sometimes I lie and tell him nothing is wrong only to text him about it later. He is simply the kindest and most supportive and understanding person I have ever met. He holds me, tells me it’s ok and assures me he’s not going anywhere. One time I was being particularly anxious he specifically told me he would never leave me because of my anxiety.

This weekend when I stayed over I had an anxiety meltdown at work and when I came home he just held me and kissed me until I calmed down. He tries so hard to make me happy and make sure I know he loves me and isn’t going anywhere and i’m so incredibly happy to be with him and have someone like that.

My anxiety still gets to me and makes me worry about the future but it’s actually getting less so with him around and that’s something I didn’t think was possible.

So, yeah, short post about love and anxiety.

As always, have a goodnight!

Trouble At Home

So…I’d like to talk about some personal stuff with you guys (another reason why I keep my identity and stuff about me private). I don’t really feel like I have many people to talk to since the issues I’m having are with my family and it’s hard to talk to my boyfriend and people around me because I live in one of those towns where everyone knows everyone and it’s something I don’t really want spread around.

My dad is kind of a dick.

I attribute the anxiety and depression I suffer from to him and my childhood living with him. He used to drink a lot when I was child and was drunk a lot of the time and quite violent. Physically, emotionally, and verbally. That last for about 10 years of my childhood. He finally stopped drinking after I had surgery for scoliosis and it was successful. It was at this point I realized that that’s just his personality and I just happen to be blessed with crappy parents. My mom was also (and still is) quite a heavy drinker. My dad and her split up when I was quite young and I was stuck between him being abusive and drunk most of the time and her breaking promises and (when I did see her) being drunk and out of it. So all in all my childhood wasn’t the best. Being around drunken parents who get mad over things that  seem small in scale will definitely give you anxiety.

So fast forward to today when my step mom and dad are fighting because my step brother (who lives next door) buried dad’s old broken lawn mower (supposedly on purpose). My dad takes everything very personally and gets angry over the smallest things. It’s hard to even have a conversation with him anymore. Sometimes it’s just hard living in a home that doesn’t feel like home.

There is a silver lining in this. My boyfriend. Not be one of *those* people but I really do feel like he’s my home and I feel like I can get through anything as long as he’s by my side. No matter what I’m going through I know I still have him and that helps a LOT when it comes to my anxiety (especially when people are fighting).

I am also thankful for my wonderful readers and anonymity where I can truly talk to you guys about anything!

Thank you and, as always, have a goodnight!

Sinuses!

Is anyone else having horrible sinus issues? My head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton balls! I usually have that during this time of year but it seems to be even worse this year. I am going to try to post a short story or a poem later on. Not feeling up to par lately. I hope everyone is doing well!

I have been having some anxiety lately because I am moving to a different shift at work in the next few weeks. I have covered for that shift a couple times so I do know what needs to get done but it’s still nerve-wracking. Ironically I think it will be LESS stressful once I get started because I work in retail and the shift I am moving to is the least busy out of all the shifts. My main reasons for moving shifts are that it includes a pay raise and also my boyfriend is moving shifts at his job and we will be working at around the same times instead of how it is now where i’m going into work as he’s getting out of work.

Currently I am watching HellBoy II: The Golden Army. What are everyone else’s favorite movies?

I’m sorry that this post was so short and not filled with my usual deep discussion today. Just not feeling myself. I am going to try to write some short fiction and get it posted before bed and you will likely have another post “today” as it’s 12:21am right now where I am. As always, I hope you all have a good night!