Tag Archives: advice

Cold Feet?

Hey everyone!

How is everyone? So I know it’s been a while but I have been working on moving lately and it’s been hectic with packing and work and my boyfriend’s grandmother is up for vacation.

I’ve been feeling kinda hesitant lately though and I’m not sure whether that’s normal or not. I’m moving in with my boyfriend and his sister and I’m getting a big case of nerves. I’ve lived with my parents for 25 years now and it’s going to be a big change from what I’m used to.

I suppose I’m also kinda worried that once we’re living together we might come across issues that we haven’t before and I’m worried if we can overcome them or not.

If you have read my blog before you know that I have anxiety and this could just be caused from nerves and from the unreasonable anxiety I get sometimes.

I guess I’m just using this blog post to vent because I’ve been having a lot of worries lately and I’m not sure where to turn to.

If anyone else has been in this kinda situation let me know and how you ended up. Maybe it will end up helping me too. Thanks again and thanks for all the support!

Also a big shoutout to the Blog Complainer for putting my poem on his blog and sharing it with his viewers!

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Self esteem

Hey guys! We all have days where we’re feeling down and not good enough and exhausted and like nothing we do is ever good enough. I was having one today. My cure? Do up your hair, put on some makeup and take 1, 20, 500 selfies. As many as it takes to feel better. If you absolutely don’t like selfies. Write and write and write until you can’t write anymore. Do a couple squats or crunches, re watch your favorite movie, treat yourself to some ice cream. Do something, anything to reset. Whether it takes 5 minutes or 5 hours. You need to be ok mentally before anything else. You come first. So, even if you do nothing else today or if you’ve been struggling to get through the whole day, just do one thing for yourself. I promise you’ll feel better.

Love you guys!

Dog “Training”

Hey everyone,

So this post I am asking for some advice. I’ve had my dog, Onna, for about two years now and she’s about 4 years old. She’s the dog you see when you first visit my site.

Today she ran out into the road again. She did come back but the issue is that she ran into the road in the first place. She’s been told numerous times she’s not allowed in the road, yelled at, put on her leash, grounded, not gotten treats. She sees our other dog not go into the road and I just don’t know what else I can do. Please don’t recommend shock collars, I refuse to use one on her and we don’t own the land so I can’t install an underground fence either. It just seems like she will listen for a while and do what we tell her and then, randomly, she’ll do something like run into the road.

I appreciate all the advice and help, also keep an eye out for a new makeup video, hopefully coming soon! Thank you for all the support and make sure to follow me on my other social media as well! I will include a link to my blog post will all my social media pages on it. Thanks again!

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Relationships-Appreciate the small things

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to talk a little bit about something I was thinking about today. And yes, this will probably include sappy and mushy things about my boyfriend.

So, when my boyfriend and I first started dating he’d show up to see me at work and give me a hug and kiss and it would just make me so happy because it wasn’t something I was used to. Someone just stopping and taking time out of their day to see me was something foreign to me and it made me really happy. We’ve been together for a little over a year now and he still stops in at my job to see me like he did today. I realized today that it’s kinda just become something I expect him to do and I don’t have the same like OMG this is amazing reaction to it anymore. And I should. Even though he’s been doing it for a while now, he’s still taking time out of his day to come see me at work and see how I’m doing and kiss me and hug me and sometimes I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. Seeing him lifts my mood and makes me happy and sometimes it’s exactly what I need. During particularly trying days, I’ll actually ask him to come give me a hug. And he does. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter how long you guys have been together, NEVER stop appreciating the little things they do to show they care. No matter how long they’ve been doing it, every single time they do it it’s because they’re making a conscience effort to make you happy and do something for you. In fact, the longer they keep doing it the happier you should be because it shows they’re still thinking of you and putting you as a priority in your life.

Another thing that I’ve had to realize is that, he doesn’t share my anxieties. What I mean by this is that, with anxiety, I freak out about stupid things. I’ll overthink tiny little things that don’t matter and aren’t important. I am an EXPERT at making mountains out of molehills. What I’ve realize though is that while something small can throw me into a panic of thinking that the world is ending and he’s leaving me or he doesn’t love me anymore or yada yada, he isn’t thinking those things at all. Sometimes something that upsets me completely has NOTHING to do with me in his view. It can be him having a bad day and having an attitude. I take it personally when in reality he’s reacting to something else that happened in his life, not reacting to me.

The last thing I want to say is, appreciate your time together. This is a big one for me. I’ve had to really learn, and am still learning, that if I constantly worry about what can go wrong and what I’m doing wrong and this and that, I’m not truly enjoying the moments I actually have with him and, in fact, could be pushing him farther away by trying to do the exact opposite.

He is truly one of the most caring, loving, supportive people I have ever met and he is truly my best friend. I have depression and there’s days I’m not sure I would still be here if I didn’t have him. He’s my rock and my light and I’m beyond blessed to have found someone who means so much to me and who loves me and makes me feel loved in return.

So yeah, back to the original point, whether it’s in a relationship or just in life in general, appreciate the small things. People can be rude, life can suck, bills pile up and this world can drive you crazy. Don’t forget to take time for yourself, take care of your mental health and appreciate the things going right in your life. Even if it’s something small.

Love you guys!

 

A new start

So, as you know from a couple posts back, I decided to stop doing SFI. Along with at I went through and deleted all of my posts from doing SFI. I want to take a new direction with this blog and make it more personal and more a discussion type of thing.

Another reason I decided to get rid of the older posts is because they link to my SFI page which has a picture of me on there as well as some private information. Some of my posts on this blog are going to be a more personal nature and talk about sensitive topics and I’d rather remain anonymous. I’m always here to talk and have a discussion but would rather not share any personal details about myself. There is, however, an exception to that. I have decided that if I get a significant amount of followers from this I will switch to video blogging and post my videos on YouTube as well as on here. I don’t expect that to happen soon, if ever, so for now I will be leaving this anonymous.

Now, on to the actual content of this post: anxiety. I suffer from really bad anxiety (undiagnosed) and depression (also undiagnosed) Sometimes I have a hard time coping and convincing myself everything is going to be ok and other days i’m fine and everything is sunshine and rainbows. I overthink almost everything people say to me and around me, I reread text messages that I send and that people send to me multiple times to make sure it sounds ok and I will usually find a hidden meaning in them that’s not actually there. I panic about the smallest things like going to a friend’s house or asking someone a simple question.

As for the depression part, I have cut in the past. Thankfully it’s been a long time. I feel emotions very deeply, especially love and sadness. Sometimes I find myself deeply upset and crying for no apparent reason. I cry myself to sleep more often than I let people know and I have days where I would prefer to sleep the day away and not get out of bed. I would also like to say that as someone who has cut, it is not romantic or “beautiful” and should not be glorified in anyway, shape or form. I’m not shaming those who do it or have done because I can relate but in my personal experience I didn’t do it so people would see my scars and pity me and feel sympathy for me. I did it because at the timeĀ  the pain from cutting wasn’t as bad as the emotional pain I was feeling and it was a sort of release. Luckily I have found better ways to cope since then such as reading, doing this blog, bubble baths, and listening to music. Sometimes exercise when I get really bored.

I find that something I really struggle with is being able to talk to people about how I’m feeling without it being medically diagnosed by a professional. I commend people who are going through these problems and struggles and who seek professional help and are getting the help that they need. I can neither afford professional help, nor do I want it. I don’t fancy the idea of taking medicines that will make me feel numb or nothing at all and as for talking to people I have my amazingly supportive boyfriend and all of you. However, sometimes people don’t take me seriously when I say I’m anxious or depressed. Yes I may not be CLINICALLY depressed or anxious but I know on some level the emotions I’m feeling and the way I’m thinking aren’t normal and I don’t feel that that should make my struggle any less concrete and important.

For society’s and simplicity’s sake I usually just say I’m feeling anxious or unusually upset when I talk about my feelings and I suppose I will do that through these as well. Please comment below about ways you find to cope even if it’s not with anxiety or depression but with any struggles and obstacles you may have and please NO negative comments. This is a safe space for open discussion and support. You are entitled to your opinions but DON’T be rude!

I am going to say goodnight for now and just share a song below that I heard for the first time today that I really relate to and explains how I feel and I hope it will help and comfort some of you as well!

 

PS-any pictures that I share in my posts have been taken and edited by me if they were edited. Please do not redistribute or use them without my permission. If you choose to ignore this then please at least credit this blog if you use them. Thank you!

Identity Crisis

Hey everyone!

This is the article I mentioned in my last post that I would be doing.

The backstory for this post is that I watched a documentary the other night on youtube that featured a youtube star that I watch pretty frequently. She’s gothic and she lives in Germany. The documentary was on gothic life and the gothic scene and the lives of individual gothic people. While I was watching the video I just related so much to what was being said and the people that were featured in the video. When the video was done I started thinking about my personality and the things I’m interested. I looked around my room which is covered in Nightmare Before Christmas and my window which is covered in a Nightmare Before Christmas blanket. I thought about my 90% black wardrobe and black shoes and how I spend my free time taking pictures of abandoned places and cemeteries and realized that I identify as gothic, or at least some subset of gothic.

This made me sad. Not because I wasn’t thrilled (I was). But because I can’t truly be myself. See while I was thinking about all this, I also thought about my anxiety and my depression and my family and job and my boyfriend. I realized that none of them would understand or accept me as a goth. My family for the most part and my boyfriend’s family is very religious and my boyfriend himself, while a very supportive and understanding person, wouldn’t be very tolerant of that lifestyle. Would I love to dress in black all the time and do up my face and paint my room black and red? Yes, yes I would. However, the people I love and care about most wouldn’t accept me anymore and I feel like that’s too big of a price to pay. I’m relatively happy on a daily basis and have developed a sort of day to day routine. My town in general also isn’t very welcoming to outsiders.

I have decided not to adapt the lifestyle but to be comforted by my books and poetry and visiting cemeteries and abandoned places in my free time. Does anyone else struggle with this or something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Let me know in the comments!

PS: I mentioned above how photography is a way I cope with this struggle and also my anxiety. Below are some pictures I’ve taken if you’re interested!

Also please no messages saying I’m making the wrong decision or that I’m being stupid etc. It’s my own personal choice I’ve made. Thank you.