All posts by plutorawr

Just someone blogging to try to cope and manage anxiety and to reach other people and communicate! Thank you. I would also like to put here, as is in one of my posts, all pictures in my posts, besides the header used in the default blog design, are taken and edited by me and I ask you don't use them without my permission. I know not everyone will listen so, if you do, please at least credit this blog for them. Thank you.

Identity Crisis

Hey everyone!

This is the article I mentioned in my last post that I would be doing.

The backstory for this post is that I watched a documentary the other night on youtube that featured a youtube star that I watch pretty frequently. She’s gothic and she lives in Germany. The documentary was on gothic life and the gothic scene and the lives of individual gothic people. While I was watching the video I just related so much to what was being said and the people that were featured in the video. When the video was done I started thinking about my personality and the things I’m interested. I looked around my room which is covered in Nightmare Before Christmas and my window which is covered in a Nightmare Before Christmas blanket. I thought about my 90% black wardrobe and black shoes and how I spend my free time taking pictures of abandoned places and cemeteries and realized that I identify as gothic, or at least some subset of gothic.

This made me sad. Not because I wasn’t thrilled (I was). But because I can’t truly be myself. See while I was thinking about all this, I also thought about my anxiety and my depression and my family and job and my boyfriend. I realized that none of them would understand or accept me as a goth. My family for the most part and my boyfriend’s family is very religious and my boyfriend himself, while a very supportive and understanding person, wouldn’t be very tolerant of that lifestyle. Would I love to dress in black all the time and do up my face and paint my room black and red? Yes, yes I would. However, the people I love and care about most wouldn’t accept me anymore and I feel like that’s too big of a price to pay. I’m relatively happy on a daily basis and have developed a sort of day to day routine. My town in general also isn’t very welcoming to outsiders.

I have decided not to adapt the lifestyle but to be comforted by my books and poetry and visiting cemeteries and abandoned places in my free time. Does anyone else struggle with this or something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Let me know in the comments!

PS: I mentioned above how photography is a way I cope with this struggle and also my anxiety. Below are some pictures I’ve taken if you’re interested!

Also please no messages saying I’m making the wrong decision or that I’m being stupid etc. It’s my own personal choice I’ve made. Thank you.

 

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Summer!

SUMMER IS FINALLY HERE! Well…spring time is.

I have decided to stop doing SFI. There just wasn’t enough profit for the amount of work I was putting in and my success relied too much on the success and hard work of other people. I think it’s definitely a good site if you have the time and resources to put into it but with a full time job it just wasn’t possible.

I definitely wanted to spend more time working on my blogging on a personal level and even on this site I’ve been posting pictures that I took so I decided to use this as more of a hobby and to get myself out there.

I have a long post I’m planning on writing in a bit about some self identity issues I’ve been going through so that will be coming soon and I’ve been taking lots of pictures that I plan to share with you guys!

If there’s anything specific you’d like me to write about PLEASE let me know! I want to get to know you as well.

On a last note I sincerely apologize to anyone who was following me for the SFI updates and the products. It just didn’t work out for me but if you’re interested I encourage you to pursue it and wish you better luck than I had!

Thank you and goodnight to all!

I’m Back

Hello again everyone! I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. It does get a little hectic working a full time job, as I’m sure many of you know! I decided to take a break from posting about products and business opportunities today and just wanted to share some pictures of nature with you guys!

It’s finally warming up outside again and I’m sure you’re all excited for the warmer spring weather!

It was a perfect day for a walk today and I got a couple good pictures!

And of course my wonderful dog hamming it up for the camera. I hope you all enjoyed this beautiful day and I will be back with more products soon!

Please don’t forget to share and repost! Thank you very much.