Late night poem

Fuck me like you mean it

Like you need me.

Because I’m drowning again.

Making love to my insecurities.

I don’t believe it

Not for a minute.

I know you love me baby.

And I feel happy in your arms

But right now I’m slow dancing with my anxiety.

There’s tears coming in waves through my body.

And I don’t even know why

I thought I was happy.

Maybe it’s the depression talking

Or is that me?

It’s hard to tell the difference when I can’t even breath.

I distracted myself for a while

And maybe I was ok.

But it’s quiet and dark now

And nothing’s alright.

Do you think one day I’ll get over this?

Do you think it’s like the flu?

I don’t think that’s how it works

But god I hope so too.

I don’t want to feel this way

I want to live without a pause

Without stopping when the demons come to call

That must be what this is

Because It’s stealing my life away

And if this is just some game then I don’t want to play.

I’m laying here again with these tears on my face

I’m supposed to feel safe but I’m so tired of this place.

Would you like to switch bodies so I can escape for a while?

My mind is broken and I just want to be a carefree child

Do you want to hold me for a bit?

I think it could help

Even if I can’t be fixed.

Would you lay next to me in bed?

Please, save me from the monsters in my head.

Beauty and the Beast Review (French 2014 Version)

Hey everyone!

So I was just on Netflix and I searched for a Cinderella Story with Hillary Duff because I love that movie and Beauty and the Beast came up but a version I hadn’t seen before. (probably because it’s French) Now as you probably know since I just got a tattoo of a rose that’s supposed to be from Beauty and the Beast, I love that movie so I decided to watch it.As it turns out I think it was dubbed on Netflix to English so luckily I could understand it because I don’t speak French. I was actually shocked how different this version was from the regular version I was so used to seeing. Without giving anything away there’s plunderers, nymphs, lots and lots of roses, a beast (obviously) and some beagles. Overall I actually really really loved this version and definitely recommend it if you’re looking for a new twist on an old classic.

I am sorry this was such a short post but I do think this movie was great and I really don’t want to give anything away. Thanks for reading and if everyone would like, maybe I will give a more detailed review of this movie in the future. Another movie I want to review soon which I just watched yesterday is Penelope. Yes this is an older movie but I hadn’t seen it yet.

Thanks again for all your support!

Anxiety and Music

Human by Krewella and In My Blood by Shawn Mendes.

These are the two songs we’re going to be talking about today. They are two of my favorite movies currently and each for a different reason and some very similar reasons.

Human by Krewella is a song I’ve been listening to for a while but lately it’s meant more to me. The chorus goes like this,

“They say pain is an illusion, this is just a bruise, and you are just confused but I am only human, I could use a hand sometimes. I am only human”

I love this because sometimes we’re going through things and people don’t understand. Especially with anxiety and depression people tend to shake it off or downplay things when you say you’re shad or having a bad day. They say things like it’ll be fine or you’ll feel better or just breath. They don’t understand that you’ve tried doing the things you love and tried feeling better and you even tell yourself sometimes that you’re just anxious or depressed and you’re actually fine but nothing helps. Nothing stops the tears or lifts the heavy feeling from your heart.

Sometimes we just need someone to understand that we’re only human and sometimes it’s all just too much.

The next song is a little more uplifting and inspirational in my opinion and that’s In My Blood by Shawn Mendes.

This song is sad and talks about wanting to give up and feeling nothing and insecure which I can definitely relate to but the chorus of the song is what gives me hope and which I find so inspiring. It says “I feel like giving up, but I just can’t it isn’t in my blood.”

No matter what you’re going through and what you feel or how you feel, you need to stick in there and fight through it. No matter what you can get through it. You are stronger than your anxiety and depression and anything you’re going through. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Shawn Mendes-In My Blood

Krewella-Human

I hope you enjoyed this post and thank you all for your support and for following me. I have a few more things I’d like to post soon as well so look for them.

“And here you are, living despite it all”

Hey everyone!

Today we’re going to talk about the quote tattoo I have on my left shoulder. I got it in March of last year. It says “And here you are, living despite it all.”

This quote is by Rupi Kaur.

I have no idea, still, who Rupi Kaur is or what the quote is from. I just came across it one day.

Why I decided to get it is a whole different story.

I didn’t have the best childhood. Growing up was hard and my parents split when I was young. I grew up with my dad and we moved around…a lot. I also had health issues like asthma and scoliosis which I eventually needed surgery for (a surgery for another time).

Then I found love after reuniting with a childhood crush and moved in with him and his family and we got engaged and life was amazing…until I went to college. We started to fight and argue a lot and a lot of issues came out and eventually we broke up for good.

After we broke up (and a few scattered times when I was quite young) I was very depressed to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I was barely 12 the first few times I tried to kill myself. It stopped for a while until those dark times after my fiance and I broke up. I didn’t see a happy future and I had built my whole life around him and now he was gone.

Finally I got better after lots of depression and mood swings, cutting and binge drinking. How I graduated college is still a mystery to me.

So in March of last year when I went to get the tattoo with a guy I had a huge crush on (not knowing I’d start dating him a month later) it meant everything to me. That despite EVERYTHING I had been through and even despite me trying NOT TO BE HERE, I was still living despite all of that. hence the quote “and here you are, living despite it all.”

So, naturally, you can imagine how upset I was when a quote mark was missing and I realized how off center it was and how it really wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I didn’t realize how important a quote mark could be until this past Tuesday when Chip, who did my rose tattoo, put the end quote mark on my quote and touched up some of the lines. I started crying and gave him a hug. My other two tattoos are Disney related. I love Disney but the quote really matters to me and is important to me and reminds me daily that I can overcome any obstacle, even if I don’t think I will get through it at the time.

I am so incredibly happy that it looks better and now looks like a finished tattoo.

So yeah, that’s the story behind my quote tattoo, sorry for all the depressing moments in this post guys. I promise to try to make the  next one more positive and thanks again for all the support!!!

Tattoo after it was touched up:

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New Tattoo!

Hello everyone!

How is everyone? I just recently got a new tattoo on Tuesday. I will share a picture here:36978827_1754690367940127_1359701163179507712_n

I got this done by Chip Beam at Artifex in Vestal NY. Pain wise it definitely didn’t tickle but the pain was bearable and I was able to sit through it (I’m also a wuss). Chip is pretty quick at tattooing so I think this took 25mins max to do with a touchup on my other tattoo.

Price wise I paid $150 for this and the touch up. The tattoo shop is very clean and sanitized between each client (3 of us went). He was talkative and I felt very comfortable there and not like a nuisance like I had experienced in previous experiences.

Overall it was a good time and I would definitely recommend Chip if you’re in the area and looking to get a tattoo. Make sure you call and make an appointment though because we had to book our appointments pretty far in advance.

On other notes, I am going to try to make another makeup video soon and probably a couple more reviews. Maybe some poems. Let me know what you’d like to see most! Thanks for all the support!

As always, have a good night!

 

Introducing: Onna!

Hey everyone!

So I posted about my dog and some advice dog training and I thought it would be good to introduce her to you guys especially since she’s the face you see when you open up my blog. So, her name is Onna (pronounced like Anna in Frozen) and I’ve had her for a little over 2 years now. When I got her she was already on her second home. The lady who had her said she didn’t have time to care for her and watch her. The poor thing was covered in dirt, blood, and scratches which I have a theory (no proof) that her and her brother who was also living there had to fight for food and resources. After getting her washed and brushed I could tell she was a very pretty dog and she has the most expressive eyes. She’s also very playful and she loves to cuddle when you’re sleeping. She’s a great dog (even if she doesn’t listen sometimes) and I absolutely love her. So, that’s Onna! I’m sure she will make more appearances in videos and future blog posts!

Thanks again for all the support!

Social Media

 

Dog “Training”

Hey everyone,

So this post I am asking for some advice. I’ve had my dog, Onna, for about two years now and she’s about 4 years old. She’s the dog you see when you first visit my site.

Today she ran out into the road again. She did come back but the issue is that she ran into the road in the first place. She’s been told numerous times she’s not allowed in the road, yelled at, put on her leash, grounded, not gotten treats. She sees our other dog not go into the road and I just don’t know what else I can do. Please don’t recommend shock collars, I refuse to use one on her and we don’t own the land so I can’t install an underground fence either. It just seems like she will listen for a while and do what we tell her and then, randomly, she’ll do something like run into the road.

I appreciate all the advice and help, also keep an eye out for a new makeup video, hopefully coming soon! Thank you for all the support and make sure to follow me on my other social media as well! I will include a link to my blog post will all my social media pages on it. Thanks again!

Social Media

Coco

Hey everyone!

So I watched a new Disney movie the other night and I wanted to share my opinions on it.  The movie is called Coco. There’s this boy who ends up in the Land of the Dead and is trying to find De la Cruz!

So, I’m not going to give spoilers but I really liked the movie. It’s cute and the animation is adorable. It did make me cry though and some themes I thought were a little much for children. (such as murder). Overall I think it’s a great family movie and I would definitely watch it again. The colors and details are adorable and will definitely be enjoyed by kids.

If there’s a movie you would like to see me rate, let me know!

Thanks for all your support!

 

Social Media

tHey guys, I just wanted to share all my social media pages in one easy to access place. Feel free to follow me on any or all of these! I will try to update them all equally but this is the best place to follow or my facebook page! Thanks guys! Feel free to share them with your friends as well!

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/crystal.treacy.3

Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/Crystal4213

Twitter:

YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWIFRFLaS12tw4_ZHbx9mfQ

Thanks again for all the love and support!

Relationships-Appreciate the small things

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to talk a little bit about something I was thinking about today. And yes, this will probably include sappy and mushy things about my boyfriend.

So, when my boyfriend and I first started dating he’d show up to see me at work and give me a hug and kiss and it would just make me so happy because it wasn’t something I was used to. Someone just stopping and taking time out of their day to see me was something foreign to me and it made me really happy. We’ve been together for a little over a year now and he still stops in at my job to see me like he did today. I realized today that it’s kinda just become something I expect him to do and I don’t have the same like OMG this is amazing reaction to it anymore. And I should. Even though he’s been doing it for a while now, he’s still taking time out of his day to come see me at work and see how I’m doing and kiss me and hug me and sometimes I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. Seeing him lifts my mood and makes me happy and sometimes it’s exactly what I need. During particularly trying days, I’ll actually ask him to come give me a hug. And he does. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter how long you guys have been together, NEVER stop appreciating the little things they do to show they care. No matter how long they’ve been doing it, every single time they do it it’s because they’re making a conscience effort to make you happy and do something for you. In fact, the longer they keep doing it the happier you should be because it shows they’re still thinking of you and putting you as a priority in your life.

Another thing that I’ve had to realize is that, he doesn’t share my anxieties. What I mean by this is that, with anxiety, I freak out about stupid things. I’ll overthink tiny little things that don’t matter and aren’t important. I am an EXPERT at making mountains out of molehills. What I’ve realize though is that while something small can throw me into a panic of thinking that the world is ending and he’s leaving me or he doesn’t love me anymore or yada yada, he isn’t thinking those things at all. Sometimes something that upsets me completely has NOTHING to do with me in his view. It can be him having a bad day and having an attitude. I take it personally when in reality he’s reacting to something else that happened in his life, not reacting to me.

The last thing I want to say is, appreciate your time together. This is a big one for me. I’ve had to really learn, and am still learning, that if I constantly worry about what can go wrong and what I’m doing wrong and this and that, I’m not truly enjoying the moments I actually have with him and, in fact, could be pushing him farther away by trying to do the exact opposite.

He is truly one of the most caring, loving, supportive people I have ever met and he is truly my best friend. I have depression and there’s days I’m not sure I would still be here if I didn’t have him. He’s my rock and my light and I’m beyond blessed to have found someone who means so much to me and who loves me and makes me feel loved in return.

So yeah, back to the original point, whether it’s in a relationship or just in life in general, appreciate the small things. People can be rude, life can suck, bills pile up and this world can drive you crazy. Don’t forget to take time for yourself, take care of your mental health and appreciate the things going right in your life. Even if it’s something small.

Love you guys!