So I talk about my anxiety a lot and I want to throw some positive into the mix as well (even though there will be a little negativity in this post. But, we have to take the good with the bad sometimes.)
We shall start with the bad. I’ve been in quite a few relationships before and quite a few ended because of my anxiety. I’m sure there were other problems as well but my anxiety was a huge part of it. I’d get anxious and start overthinking everything the other person would do or say and if we got in the littlest argument I was convinced they didn’t love me anymore. Eventually I would convince myself that they didn’t love me and didn’t want me around but were just too polite to say it and I would leave for fear and anxiety that I was just a bother. They usually took me back after I left and realized I made a huge mistake…until it happened 3 or 4 more times. My ex fiance let it happen for almost 3 years (even though he showed how much it annoyed him) and I didn’t appreciate him as much as I should have.
I am currently with someone and have been for a little over a year now. I still can’t talk to him about my feelings without constantly apologizing and/or crying and sometimes I lie and tell him nothing is wrong only to text him about it later. He is simply the kindest and most supportive and understanding person I have ever met. He holds me, tells me it’s ok and assures me he’s not going anywhere. One time I was being particularly anxious he specifically told me he would never leave me because of my anxiety.
This weekend when I stayed over I had an anxiety meltdown at work and when I came home he just held me and kissed me until I calmed down. He tries so hard to make me happy and make sure I know he loves me and isn’t going anywhere and i’m so incredibly happy to be with him and have someone like that.
My anxiety still gets to me and makes me worry about the future but it’s actually getting less so with him around and that’s something I didn’t think was possible.
So, yeah, short post about love and anxiety.
As always, have a goodnight!