Today I wanted to talk about something that I experience a lot. As I mentioned in a previous post, I haven’t been professionally diagnosed with anxiety or depression and because of that sometimes I get anxious….about my anxiety. I have moments where I convince myself that I don’t have anxiety, I’m just crazy. Like the night before I was going to go to my boyfriend’s moms for Christmas and I was worrying because I had only gotten her a card and lottery ticket for Christmas and she had gotten me a ton of gifts. I sat there overthinking everything like how maybe I should run out and get something at 1am and how maybe if I didn’t get her anything she wouldn’t like me and would think I wasn’t good enough for her son and how maybe she didn’t like me already and this would just make it worse and OhMyGod what if she talks to him and his sister behind my back about how much she doesn’t like me? At this point I had reduced myself to tears over going to his mom’s for Christmas. It was also during this anxiety attack that I convinced myself I didn’t actually have anxiety. That I was just crazy and that I shouldn’t be thinking the way I was thinking. So then I started having anxiety about having anxiety.
It doesn’t help when you have family that, when you try to talk to them about, says it’s all in your head and if you just focus hard enough you can get rid of it. Like I haven’t tried that before. Like I haven’t tried writing, meditation, yoga, exercise. Any natural thing I can thing of short of anti psychotics. I don’t even like taking medicine for my hypothyroidism.
Anyway that’s my short rant for today. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Let me know in the comments and, as always, have a good night!
PS: I don’t know why but I love this song and it brings me peace.